Rebuttal to Polygamist Propaganda

Rebecca Kimbel   MscD

Polygamy is an adult choice?

We polygamist born children were
taught from birth we had to live polygamy or lose our salvation. Only polygamists
were accepted on our family, our society and by our God. To not live polygamy
was to be damned. Our choice in marriage was confined to polygamy. Some had a
choice between one of two older married men to be “spiritually” married to, but
choosing any man outside of the polygamist culture was not a choice.

If we chose not to live polygamy,
the basic doctrine of our “religion” said we would be “destroyed”and blood
atonement to save our souls was sanctioned by God, even if the leaders chose
not to carry it out. Some of us, like myself, had friends and family murdered
in the name of “blood atonement”, the same blood atonement all fundamentalists’
polygamists include as the word of their “prophets”. To choose to not be
obedient can be a dangerous choice in fundamentalist Mormon and Islamic

There is no adult choice. Children
are indoctrinated with fear to force them into polygamy.

Polygamy is voluntarily

Women stayed in polygamy because
we had children when we were children. We were never allowed to think for
ourselves or to learn to provide for ourselves, yet we had a houseful of
children to provide for. Many women stay in bad marriages because they can’t
support their children. Polygamist women have a double problem; few of them
know how to support themselves. They stay because they don’t know any other way
to survive and keep their children. Most of them are threatened if they try to
leave and take their children. Fundamentalist polygamists teach that the
children belong to the men.

Single mothers are often attracted
to polygamy, believing it will be easier to provide for their children with the
help of a sister wife. What they fail to realize is that the number of children
to provide and care for will increase, not diminish. The emotional, financial
and educational rescores will diminish. This attributes to the fact that
polygamist women by percentage do not live as long as other women. Is this
“voluntarily” maintained life style what they want to decriminalize as an adult

There is no adult choice. The glue
that binds them together is poverty and fear. They don’t believe they have a
choice. The pathetic reality finds that those enslaved by fear soon perpetuate
the same lack of choice onto their own children. Those who don’t understand
this have not experienced the devastation and the life style most polygamist
women experience. Polygamy is not an adult choice. When CHILDREN are
indoctrinated with fear from birth to accept polygamy and have CHILDREN, to
perpetuate polygamy. The fact that it involves the lives of CHILDREN makes it
NOT AN ADULT CHOICE. The non coerced adult choices in polygamy are the male
converts who have not been indoctrinated, but see an opportunity to expand
their narcissistic behavior. If they are married, their wife has one choice;
accept polygamy or be abandoned. For the wife, it is not an adult choice. It is
a coercive threat.

The statement that men can choose
another sex partner if one wife is unwilling, is a side show to distract
attention away from what is going on in the main tent of polygamy’s “circus”.
In the main tent, he always has all the sex he wants. Women are the ones who
are lonely and unfulfilled. He is not a lover, he’s a breeder. He cares only
about his own satisfaction. In his mind he’s a “cowboy” who thinks an eight
second ride makes him a champion. Women are capable and entitled to sexual
fulfillment but that’s against his religion. Fundamentalists teach women that
sex is for propagation only. We were taught that it must be accomplished
without lust. ( We were too uneducated to know that was a physical
impossibility). His needs are “God’s commandments”, her needs are “weaknesses
to over come”.

All humans find it stressful and
emotionally painful to share their mate. Narcissistic men force women to share
their mate, but they would never tolerate it for themselves. Women are not
sexually inferior. If men had the sexual capacity of women, polygamist men
would be prostitutes instead of polygamists. Polygamists justify their breeding
practices by blaming the nature of bulls in cattle breeding. If they want to
blame nature they should check out the life of a male sea horse. He is the one
who carries the baby sea horses. Check out the black widow and the praying
mantis. Some species have a built in responsibilities that go with breeding.
Blaming animal behavior for human behavior is greed justified through
ignorance. The right to breed carries a responsibility. Polygamy produces lots
of people, but comparatively few responsible adults.

Polygamy offers career and a
sister wife to help with the children?

The odds of a career for a
polygamist woman are rare indeed unless you consider working as a cashier,
house maid, or any other low paying job a career. I’ve seen many polygamist women
work out of the home for long hours and little money and return to a home
bulging with children where they try to fill in the gaps of motherhood which
couldn’t be filled by the exhausted sister wife who tried to manage on the
domestic front.

The economy of everyone living in
the same house is not an asset of polygamy. Go down to a day care center and
spend the day. Imagine four or five times more children in the room than were
actually there. If you can imagine this, you get some idea of the joys of polygamy.
My mother moved into a chicken coop with no heat, in Utah, because she had to
be alone (with her six children). Massive numbers of people in the same
quarters is difficult at best.

Polygamy does NOT help financially;
on the contrary, it creates poverty. It is a financial disaster for the family
and the nation. Polygamy creates an unusually high percentage of demands for
Government funds, bankruptcies, and other means of assistance. Polygamy
produces more children than it supports. In all countries where polygamy
flourishes, poverty isn’t far behind.

Most polygamist women are poor.
The big houses you see on TV don’t compute with the income levels. Follow the
money trail and prepare your self for a shock.

Polygamy is a “pyramid” scheme.
The one at the top is wealthy and the wealth spreads out and dwindles down,
diminishing as it goes, until it reaches the wide base at the bottom which
consists primarily of women and children who live below the national poverty
level. Yet they are the base, the foundation upon which the pyramid stands.
They are the means of its expansion. Women constantly produce more workers,
tithe payers and believers into the system.

The one at the top (the prophet)
receives 10% tithing from the wages of each person below him, plus the
dedicated free labor they donate to ( him) God. Followers are encouraged to
build their homes on church land ( held in title by the prophet, not the
parishioners) and many also create businesses on church land, which puts them
in a position of great lose if they question authority. Many men have lost
their wives, children, homes and land when the “prophet” finds them “unworthy”.

Polygamy is a system that “fleeces
its own sheep”, becomes a parasite to government coffers and violates the human
rights America stands for. Polygamy is not a democracy. It is a dictatorship.
When you are told you have freedom of choice and blind obedience, you can be
sure your choices will be limited to what they tell you to do.

Polygamy and freedom don’t exist
together. One inhibits the other and that fact remains true in every culture,
every nation and in any century.

The concept that “traditional
norms” of historical and modern polygamy, should vary across continents or centuries,
is incorrect.

Polygamy carries the same
percentage of dysfunction regardless of its place in geography or history. One
fact of cause and effect remains constant; the degree of abuse is always in
direct proportion to the degree of distance between the powerful and the
powerless. Polygamy ALWAYS has a higher percentage of abuse than monogamy
because it is a system based on inequality. In all human relationships, those
who have no equality receive more abuse. This fact alone creates more abuse in polygamy.

Polygamy is notorious for
propaganda. Propaganda and truth are not the same. Knowing the difference can
determine your freedom or the loss of it. Our nation would be wise to educate
itself about polygamy.

  1. ‘His needs are “God’s commandments”, her needs are “weaknesses
    to over come”.’How very true. For a woman, polygamy is about constant sacrifice, where repressing normal human emotion is framed as an heroic act and the desire for the intimacy and exclusive love of the man you love is deemed to be a sin. Thank you Rebecca for refuting the spurious arguments used to support this pernicious practice.

  2. Many believe “it will be easier to provide for their children with the
    help of a sister wife. What they fail to realize is that the number of children
    to provide and care for will increase, not diminish. The emotional, financial
    and educational rescores will diminish.” Thank you for breaking this propaganda barrier! Even on Sister Wives, the # of children for one woman to care for is overwhelming. It might be great freedom for the other wives to know their children are cared for by someone they trust, but what an extraordinary demand to put on the wife who gets run ragged by the demands of too many children all day long. So many children starving for attention creates chaos at all times, not just during the day. The nanny wife is exhausted and depressed, often feeling like a slave to the others, and this isn’t healthy for the children either, no matter how patient the nanny wife is. The child-rearing situation is draining and frustrating every which way you look at it – emotionally, financially, physically, spiritually, socially, educationally.

    To tout “free child care” as a benefit of polygamy is pathetic.

  3. Bravo! Very well said. 🙂

  4. The problem is that you can’t lump all polygamous marriages into the experience of growing up in a cultish religious environment, since there are some people who become involved in these as adults and haven’t been indoctrinated as children. And those who oppose polygamy end up hurting those who do live in loving, healthy relationships. There have to be other ways to deal with it. If it’s child abuse, call it that! Attack that specific environment; don’t paint the rest of the world with their brush. Education is what it’s all about. The women I know who are involved in polygamous relationships, whether with multiple wives or multiple husbands were all over 25 when they met their spouses. And they have very healthy and happy relationships. Polygamy does include polyandry and polygany.

  5. This blog does a great job of showing the problems with polygamy as practiced by Mormon Fundamentalists. Personally I’m not convinced yet that _all_ forms of polygamy are a problem.

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